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Sunday, November 6, 2011

WE GOTZ ANOTHER ZAMBIE, PA!

Well, since everyone would probably end up dying, especially in the neighborhood full of elderly people my dad lives in, I'd probably just parade around the quiet outskirts of Versailles stockpiling ridiculous amounts of food and dealing with all the old people zombies.
I'm not one of those fanatics who automatically assumes everything about what this hypothetical zombie is like based on "science" and Left 4 Dead (cough cough, NED) but one still has to be logical. I mean, being a zombie makes you meaner but it probably wouldn't make old people any less old. It kind of wouldn't even be a fair fight to be up against an army of undead that can barely use the bathroom without assistance.
Since there are LOTS of guns at my dads (like, a lot), the zombie apocalypse would basically be me and my family in a comfortable neighborhood with ranged weapons and a semi-light amount of slow, barely physically capable geezer-zombies. I'd probably have it a lot easier than the movies make it out to be. The odds are we'd just chill in the neighborhood and occasionally clean out the backyard of zombies.
If there was an unexpected amount of zombie opposition we'd probably still all be okay, since my dad is a moderately talented competitive shooter and has more than enough self defense resources to keep a two-level house zombie-free. I'd probably also try my best to use the extra safety as a way to entice the most useful elements of my friend circle. Since half my friends' parents are doctors anyway, (pshh, rich people) I'm sure we could invite them over in case anyone got ill, and maybe an engineer or something in case anything broke.
If we got enough survivors we'd probably eventually find a bigger (unoccupied) house or mansion and camp there. Some place nice in the country, where there's never been anyone to get zombified and thus no zombies. We'd pack up our food and firearms and probably hit a couple Best Buy's, car dealerships, etc. along the way (it isn't stealing if the manager's a zombie, right?) and basically live like kings. With Corvettes and iPads, and those little fridges rich people fill with European sodas.
It'd be like I am Legend except we wouldn't even care about finding a cure since we'd be rich by default and relatively safe considering the entire population is out to kill us. In conclusion, life would be good if everyone turned into a zombie (except me.)
To recap, I'd use the fact my family has a huge amount of protection and practically inexhaustible amount of ammunition to entice doctors, etc to form a tribe of sorts, one that drives around clearing old stores of zombies and living in the lap of luxury from the comfort of some ex-human's gigantic mansion.

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