The Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide-Helper-Manual-Guideline Thing

Zombies.

We all know and love them, and most of us have thought of at least one plan in case of the Apocalypse. There are always baselines for what to bring, what’s not important, or where to go. The most important thing to realize is that you have to be adaptive; rather than being totally proactive or reactive, there’s a balance that will ensure maximum survival and comfort in the case of a zombie apocalypse.

There are very many things that can be done in several ways Supplies are the main ingredient in your “proactive” mix – this means all of the necessities. Dehydrated foods or MREs are perfect for movement and travel, but canned goods are more useful in the case of a waterborne infection. Make sure to cycle in fresh food every year or so; you don’t want to be eating spoiled food during a zombie outbreak. Additionally, pack seeds of various crops – preferably organic, as modified crops may not always produce seeds for the next season – these will allow you to produce a self-sustained community. Medical supplies are a given, as are flashlights and other common-sense objects.

Fuel is another concern. There are two methods for this – the easy way, and the safe way. The easy way is simple – wait until the outbreak, then steal fuel from a gas station or find a tank truck. Be warned, the only way you’ll be able to do this is if a) Most people have already fled, or b) Everyone has been infected. Alternatively, simply purchasing a tanker truck full of fuel will do, but may not be enough to refuel the planes or aircraft carrier (which will be discussed later.)

Weaponry is needed to fend off the zombie horde – however, some weapons just won’t cut it (no pun intended). Blunt or heavy weapons are useless, and blades with serrated edges are too – they’ll get caught in the flesh, preventing you to quickly dispatch your foes. This includes chainsaws and other electrically-operated weapons; they’re too loud and will get you killed. Melee weapons such as knives, machetes, or katanas are relatively lightweight, easily cleaned, and serve multiple purposes. Ranged weapons – guns or bows – may seem easy to choose from, but only certain weapons should be used. Pistols and submachine guns are lightweight and are relatively quiet, while shotguns have good stopping power and can be used to clear crowds. Support can be created with light machine guns, sniper rifles, or arrow-based weaponry – these are all good for picking off targets from afar and against small groups.

And then, the matter of bullets arises. Take them all, you say. The answer is, “NO.” For instance, FMJ (Full metal jacket) bullets are for penetration; they’re only more useful for hard targets and create clean wounds, rather than tumbling and causing maximum damage. They’re also heavier and take up more space, as they are encased in metal, rather than hollow point rounds that expand and tumble, causing maximum damage and probably stopping a zombie in its tracks. Unless you’re fighting zombies in Kevlar vests or tanks, only hollow-point rounds will be necessary for rifles and pistols. Also, if you’re up for it, bringing lead and powder to make your own bullets will allow for more recycling, and will extend survivability.

Once you have all of your equipment stored in shipping containers off the coast of Oregon, ready for retrieval in the event of emergency, all you have to do is wait for the zombie apocalypse. If you have enough money, have a back-up container on the east coast, if the outbreak starts on the west coast. Note that these diseases will probably crop up in urban locations – it may start in Asia, or in New York. It will begin slowly, but will pick up pace as the infected flee, thinking that they aren’t, unknowingly propagating the outbreak. If it spreads to Lexington before we are ready, the best idea would be to scavenge after the initial looting, and then fortify a house while we search for a mode of transportation that will get us to the predetermined cargo containers. Once we load the cargo containers onto a boat, the plan would be to meet up with the military on an aircraft carrier (if they are still alive; if not, remove the infected) or establish a base on an oil platform. The zombies should die out in several years, and we’d be able to safely repopulate the Earth, along with other various survivor groups, about twenty years after the event.

Understand that this is the best case scenario – or else the weapons are for if we encounter resistance or are unable to find a ship or plane.

And that’s about it. That’s my (our) plan for the zombie apocalypse/outbreak/infection/menace.