The Truth

Sure, Olivia may seem like a role model of humanity, but throughout the year, I’ve realized something.

She’s actually secretly an evil megalomaniac.

Now, take all of your knowledge of Olivia and throw it in the trash. IT’S ALL LIES.

Here’s the TRUTH.

o What about the hundreds of community service hours and letting people know about opportunities?

· All this “community service”? It’s just a front. The fundraising and manual labor that you do is all part of her plan to rule the world. Trust me.

o What about that great personality? She’s nice to everyone and wouldn’t hurt a fly.

· She actually is telling you what you want to hear, so you’ll feel obligated to participate in the various events that she advocates.

· Additionally, she regularly holds cat-fights in her basement. I managed to snag an interview with Gus Cat, her pet cat.

CHOW: So, Gus Cat. Is it true then? Does Olivia force you to fight other cats?
GUS CAT: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
CHOW: I see. How does she treat you?
GUS CAT: Just fine. I especially like the food.
CHOW: Uh-huh. So by treats, you mean breaks from cat-fighting?
GUS CAT: What are these cat-fights you keep talking about? I’m a cat. She feeds me. That’s it.

· As you can see, Gus Cat was in no state of mind to properly answer my questions.

I even have some first-hand experience at the evil. She regularly pretends to ask me what we did in Spanish each day, but I know that she’s actually an evil genius. She is secretly judging my mental abilities, to see if I’m worthy of a high position in her future empire.

You might see her as yellow or green - freshness, joy, intellect, but also harmony and safety. However, her color is actually black - mysterious and authoritative. She also instills fear in those who know the truth.

Oh, she’ll probably be graduating from somewhere like Stanford with a 4.0 GPA as valedictorian, you say. That’s not going to happen, because there won’t be a Stanford. The world will be in the clutches of High Queen Olivia, and you will all be working in the “Fun (Labor) Camps”.

The animal that embodies Olivia is the Hippopotamus. Hey, they look cuddly and pink at first glance, but are actually vicious creatures, and have been known to cannibalize their fellow hippopotami.

There you go - the truth about Olivia Cottrell.

If I’m not at school tomorrow, you’ll know what happened, but I go to my grave knowing that I’ve helped stop, if not delay, the rise of a horrible new era.