just don't slam me

Hello there. I am a door. My job? Keep people out of Sally's room. I have a sign on the front of me that says, "STAY OUT" and I take this very seriously. Her brother Brad has tried to choose me before. He's punched me. He's kicked me. Hell, he even shot an airsoft gun at me. But guess who wins every time: ME! Bet you never would have guessed that, huh. Anyways, I keep guard over Sally's things while she is at school. I hate the dog. I understand that he hasn't been out since early this morning, but why does he always have to poop right in front of me? I swear these people need to take care of this dog more often before he "accidentally gets slammed in the door." What really grinds my gears is when Sally gets mad. What's even worse is that I know what to expect. There's yelling between Brad and her, she comes stomping up the stairs crying like the little baby she is, and then she comes storming through and slams me shut. Let me tell you one thing, if there is one thing that I dislike most, it's being slammed shut. Her cry is the most annoying thing in the world. Sometimes I want to pull a Toby (from Paranormal Activity 3 for those who haven't seen it yet) and slam it shut before she even gets inside for two possible outcomes: 1) she runs somewhere else and cries or 2) she is scared shitless and stops crying. That's a typical say in my life. Aren't you glad you're not me? And please don't slam me.