A Household War

“ON YOUR FEET PLATFORM, SOLDIER!”

This was the first thing I heard in a long time. Hastily, I flipped myself upright and headed towards the bottom of the cardboard box. I passed by hundreds of other soldiers, some equally disoriented and others buried under their comrades. The unconscious ones were all stuck in their normal pose – some, aiming rifles while crouching; others clutching grenades, ready to throw at any instant. These soldiers had been like this for months – maybe years. As I entered the briefing room, I saw the generals – they were a lighter shade of green, denoting their significance. They were already drawing up plans, preparing for an invasion.

“Good thing you’ve arrived, Lieutenant Gunner. As you can see, the situation is dire, but we’ve been given a tactical advantage. While the box has been knocked over by an unknown entity and the box is on the edge of the top shelf, we’re fighting indoors now,” General Springfield barked. “As long as the base doesn’t get pushed off, we should be fine.”

“Why would an indoor fight be better? We can’t really use aircraft here,” one soldier asked.

“Let me tell you a story,” the General replied. “Back in ’03, right before we got boxed, there was an outdoor battle. The battle of Sandbox. Tan army had the upper hand – camouflage. They were practically invisible, while we stuck out like sore thumbs. And we didn’t just lose men, they were lost – permanently, never to be seen again in the sand.”

“Wow,” the soldier responded, awestruck.

“Now, we have to fortify the laundry room; just make sure you don’t get trapped in the -”

“ALERT. ALERT,” the mechanical voice of the alarm system called. “UNKNOWN HOSTILES DETECTED IN SECTOR A-2. SCANNING…” it continued.

“TARGET VERIFIED. TWO FELIS CATUS DETECTED, APPROACHING AT 1.7 M/S. DANGER, COLLISION IMMINENT, ADVICE: SEEK SHELTER IMM-” the alarm system was cut short, as the whole box-fort lurched violently to the side, catapulting to the ground. I felt my stomach lurch as the feeling of weightlessness set in.

“Oh hell,” I muttered.