How to Laugh in the Face of a Drugee

Those of us who went through D.A.R.E. are more than familiar with all the horror stories of drug and alcohol abuse. For me, D.A.R.E. was the straw that broke the camel's back for any sort of substance abuse.

So why isn't D.A.R.E. 100% effective for everyone like it was for me? Well I'm a person who naturally has the ability, if not the inclination, to laugh in someone's face. But some people don't. So I think D.A.R.E. should really include a good lesson in quality face laughing.

Unfortunately we're all too old for D.A.R.E. and the school system just ended it, probably so Henry Clay could have those lovely plasma T.V.'s installed.

So why don't I give you guys a little run down of how I think you should deal with one of those rambunctious rapscallions I like to call a drugee.

1) Assess the situation in which the drugee is addressing you. These situations could range anywhere from a casual pass by to a full fledged "Hey man, you want a hit?"

2) Look at the drugs this fool possesses. You're going to base the volume of your laughter on the severity of those drugs. How you decide which drugs are the most severe is really a personal choice, because laughing is a personal act of joy.

3) Unshackle the chains of subtlety and LAUGH in the face--IT MUST BE THE FACE--of this drugee. Take pride in the fact that you needn't insert materials into your body to entertain yourself, whether alone at home or at a social interaction. Laugh, LAUGH at this dependent, spineless individual lacking the moral fiber to bear life without the pillow of hallucination, ecstasy or unnatural rush.

4) Walk home a man so confident a new hair has sprung from his chest or a woman so confident... something a woman takes pride in happens. Yeah.