Another Fantastic Debate

Reporter>>"From the capitol in Frankfort, I'm Nüs Caster. Here today we're covering the much-anticipated debate between the three major candidates for governor, pitted against each other on those heated issues: Bla Bla Bla Bla horses Bla Bla gambling Bla recession, Bla Bla Bla Bla job-creation Bla Bla Wall-Street Bla incentive, and of course Bla Bla family values, but also Bla coal Bla coal Bla renewable energy Bla and definitely coal.

"And here they come now! Never have I seen three contenders with such impressive track records. It looks like the first to enter the arena today is our hometown favorite, the incumbent: Fudd E. McDuddy-- 'F Duddy' as they call him around here.

Reporter>>"Duddy, it looks like you've got quite the crowd pulling it in for you today."

McDuddy>>"Word."

Reporter>>"Ooh, true! Definitely, McDuddy. Classic; he always knows what to say. Oh, and here comes our prime challenger, Baerly Liberal--but we like to call him 'Blue Dog.' Looks like we can't talk to him right now, though; as usual, he's using the back-door entrance.

"Oh, but look-- here we have our final contender, Lib R. Tarian. Lib, I've been told you're representing a third party on the ballot. Do you still think you can win it even with such powerful contenders?

Tarian>>"Ho, I don't care. I'll be happy just to get in they grills."

Reporter>>"Well, there you have it! Lib tends to draw an interesting crowd to these debates--they're eyes are always bloodshot and they wave signs with leaves on them. But that's enough dilly-dallying. Let's head into the arena and catch this debate!"

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Reporter>>"Back again, joining you from inside Frankfrort Arena. And what a spectacle it is! The seats are packed with fans from all over Kentucky. We made our way to the Moderator's table to find out about how he plans to conduct this debate."

"Mr. Moderator, how is this debate going to operate?

Moderator>>"Man, what is this moderator nonsense? Call me Disc Jockey. I'm just gonna lay down a beat and let 'em do they thang."

Reporter>>"Ohh, yes of course. Always comforting to have an experienced moderator at the table. . . . OH, it looks as though the debate's about to start! Let's tune in. The first question always goes to the incumbent. . . ."
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Moderator>>"Aight so you old man, F Duddy, whatchu think about the economy bein all down and recession and stuff? You got 30 seconds to give me yo best rap. Here's yo beat."

McDuddy>>"Uh. Uh. Yeah. Alright.
We're goin backwards.

The nation's bass ackwards.

We givin all our money
to them lower-class slackers.
Obamanomics
from those White-House comics.
They lendin U.S. credit
to them Chinese Commies."

Moderator>>"Mmm. Yeah, I feel that. Blue Dog, you call yoself a Democrat. The Democrats are in the White House, and times ain't gettin' any betta. What have you got to say fo yoself? 30 seconds. The beat starts... now."

Liberal>> "Hey McDuddy?
Why don't you call yo buddies
in Halliburton, Exxon,
and bring em down to *Huddy?
I know the people.

Sunday's I'm under the steeple.
They would hang around with you
but you're and ugly old creeper."

Moderator>>"OOH! I'm gonna have to put that down in my log as a burn on you, Duddy. And what about this weirdy over here, Lib R. Tarian. Where'd you even come from? I got no idea who you representin' today. Why should we vote for you, punk? I'll give you a new beat."

Tarian>> "I'm bustin out the rhymes

like cops bust us for crimes

that exceed the limitations

of the Constitution's lines.

Leave me alone

in my 900K home

I would call upon my rights--but
you probably tapped my telephone."

Moderator>>"Whaddyou know, Tarian's got skillz. Hey, folks, we'd stick around but we got a party tonight at the Kardashian's house. Peace out!"

Reporter>>"And there you have it! Another fantastic debate from those three star contenders. Honestly I can't decide myself--I was too distracted by their bling to listen to any of their ideas. Oh well, I've got a job and life could be worse. I guess I'll just vote for the incumbent again."

*Huddy is a small town in extreme Eastern Kentucky, near Pikeville.