i better make sure this is on time. i've used up all my late passes.

Quite honestly, I felt like this year has passed more quickly than any other. Then again, I don’t think there is a single part of junior year that I wished I had gone back and savored. The only thing that is truly disheartening is the fact that I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing. I’ve certainly made progress, and I’ve had wonderful teachers to guide me. But while everyone has been telling me that I’ve “gotten my act together” in recent weeks, I feel even more lost than before. It seems now that the question has digressed from “where do you want to go to college?” to “what career are you going to pursue?”. My answer?

I DON’T KNOW.

In fact, I don’t have a clue. And for the last few years I’ve been reassured, “Oh no, dear. You don’t even need to be thinking about that yet”. Well, I’m almost a year away from stepping onto a campus that I have committed to, to take courses that will determine my ultimate success in the workplace and my life in general. That’s a pretty frightening thought.

On the bright side, junior year has taught me to live with myself. I notoriously set the bar high (too high, according to most). It has taken me this long to realize that I don’t have to. I don’t need to ace every test, I don’t need to win every leadership position I run for, I don’t need to pack my schedule with AP classes. Because frankly, it just isn’t worth it. This is far from apathy, mind you. Rather, this mentality just puts things into perspective. In terms of strict input and output, what I gain isn’t worth the cost. It makes far more sense for me to achieve in my own way, than fill up the cookie-cutter positions that the school system has punched out for me.

Many of us have been blindly led into these positions and supposed responsibilities. In most cases, they don’t really mean anything. Our class in general has conformed to the same clubs, interests, and even colleges. This is really bad. We’re just hurting ourselves by doing it. I hope by next year, we all can diversify and find our own niche.

I’m sick and tired of doing things that will “look good on paper”. I’m going to start hiking again, set aside time for leisure reading, and play my saxophone again.

I’m not saying I’m one of those long-haired, peace-lovin’, holy jean-wearin’, pinko hippie-types…

But you just gotta live, man.