if i had to name one thing that i was thankful for about this blog, it would be the fact that there is only a one hundred and fifty word quota on the blog.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thanksgiving: i cant live with it, or without it.
As a whole thanksgiving might just be the worst holiday ever created. You get to see your annoying family from far away, the food itself is just overwhelming because of the amount of it, and that i have to recognize anything that i have ever been thankful for, ever. i understand that my brother is thankful for soap, so why must he repeat it over and over again. the real fun begins after the holiday though. my favorite time of year is right after thanksgiving. the night after thanksgiving, the food is amazing. the turkey sandwiches hit the spot perfectly, with all of the stuffing and cranberry sauce. the annoying family is gone for another year, and finally we can be thankful for something, that actually matters.
typical turkey day
Thanksgiving is pretty typical at the Grimes household, especially this year. Don't get me wrong, we love the holiday--I mean who doesn't love good food and family, yet it's just sometimes not always the most exciting time. This year, we drove out to my grandparent's house in the country and had Thanksgiving with most of my dad's side of the family. I always love being with crazy cousins from out of town; this year we found the cutest little stray kitten which we forced my aunt and uncle to take home with them. The meal is definitely the best part for all us though; we all pack around big tables covered in table-cloths and help ourselves to the mouth-watering mounds of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and much much more before us. I'm still at the kid's table, which is something I've actually never minded! After we've had our fill, we file into the cozy living room to laugh and tell stories until our eyes begin to droop.
In the past, we used to always travel for Thanksgiving, and it really is one of my favorite times to do so. We've gone to Arizona, Florida, and Colorado to name a few. The past two years we've just stayed at home though. I absolutely love going to Florida at this time of year because the weather is perfect: not too hot, but not chilly. Our typical spot is Boca Grande, and it basically feels like home for me since multiple generations of my family have always vacationed there and fallen in love with it as well. All in all though, I have learned that the concept of Thanksgiving is always the same for me wherever I am. I'm always surrounded by good eats, good times, and good people that love me!
turkey!
Usually when Thanksgiving rolls around, there isn't much for our family to get together and eat seeing as our closest relatives live an unreasonable distance from us. I am sad to say that the image of Thanksgiving isn't what our household is like. This year we actually had a turkey for change and there was plenty of food to go around. It wasn't anything formal but it fit what would qualify as a Thanksgiving dinner.
I definitely enjoy the holidays, especially the days off. The one I enjoy most is around New Years where I look forward to the new year. One of the strangest and coolest experiences I had was when I went back to visit with family and on new years eve ( in Taiwan) I went to a really nice hotel and celebrated. Then my brother, sister, and I managed to get into an 18+ club but it actually was not that exciting since we couldn't do anything. When it was five minutes to new years (08 I believe) we all went outside and the Taipei 101 burst into lights and there was a spectacular light show for a couple of minutes. The cool part after was that when you turned on the TV you could see New Years in NY or Austrailia and around the world.
I definitely enjoy the holidays, especially the days off. The one I enjoy most is around New Years where I look forward to the new year. One of the strangest and coolest experiences I had was when I went back to visit with family and on new years eve ( in Taiwan) I went to a really nice hotel and celebrated. Then my brother, sister, and I managed to get into an 18+ club but it actually was not that exciting since we couldn't do anything. When it was five minutes to new years (08 I believe) we all went outside and the Taipei 101 burst into lights and there was a spectacular light show for a couple of minutes. The cool part after was that when you turned on the TV you could see New Years in NY or Austrailia and around the world.
One step closer to Christmas
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays of the year. Half of the family gathers at my grandparents’ house and we all sit around their small television in the kitchen watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade while preparing food for lunch. The smell of the cooking turkey and the hot yeast rolls fills the kitchen. The family is excited to be reunited. There are always new pictures to share and stories to tell. Thanksgiving is not as much fun as Christmas, but it still has its perks. With 10 people around the dinner table, we bless the food and then the fun can begin. My grandfather carves the turkey and rolls are distributed in large quantities; the first batch usually doesn’t make it all the way around the table. The mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, corn, carrots, and other dishes are passed around until everyone has what they need. In the first bite, you can tell that we are a southern family from the amount of salt and butter in everything. Health consciousness goes out the window and the feast is underway. The melt in your mouth potatoes and the juicy turkey are to die for and it wouldn’t be a McInturff family meal without the iced tea and choice of pumpkin or apple pies with ice cream for dessert. The best part of the day is that this meal is only round one. Round two begins around six or seven that night when the other side of the family comes to our house. Round two is usually a lighter and healthier meal, consisting of mostly the same foods, but prepared in different ways. All in all, Thanksgiving is a day when I see most of the family, we eat a ton of food, and my dad watches football. The pinnacle of my Thanksgiving (especially as a child) is seeing Santa Claus enter Herald Square at the end of the parade. At this moment, I know Christmas is coming.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
John Henry he could hammah, he could whistle, he could sing; he went to the mountain early in the mornin' to hear his hammah ring
I have never witnessed a paradigm Thanksgiving. Because we live far away from the rest of our relatives, our dinner usually involves only four people. But even then, they always entailed food flying, tears being shed, and a very upset mother.
My mother has always been tolerant of informal dinner behavior. She does not expect us to give thanks or sit properly or lay our napkins on our laps. But one thing she yearns for is an idealistic Thanksgiving. So naturally, my brother and I chronically misbehave. One year I bawled through the entirety of the meal because some idiot put corn in my mashed potatoes. Another year, the turkey was so dry we drowned our food in ketchup and steak sauce. Several years ago, my brother and I fashioned hammers out of baked potatoes and forks and proceeded to recite The Legend of John Henry for the entire dinner. Just last Thanksgiving, my brother spilled cranberry juice all over the white tablecloth. My uncontrollable laughter earned me a boot from the dining room. Every year we end up force-feeding my brother.
Following the meal, our two cats scavenge for scraps of turkey or ham on the floor and raid the butter dish on top of the table. Ultimately, our pets probably gain more weight than we do.
Because we’ve been so disconnected from our family during Thanksgiving, the holiday never really meant much to me. But the bizarre nature of these dinners in the past has made them all the more memorable and enjoyable.
My mother has always been tolerant of informal dinner behavior. She does not expect us to give thanks or sit properly or lay our napkins on our laps. But one thing she yearns for is an idealistic Thanksgiving. So naturally, my brother and I chronically misbehave. One year I bawled through the entirety of the meal because some idiot put corn in my mashed potatoes. Another year, the turkey was so dry we drowned our food in ketchup and steak sauce. Several years ago, my brother and I fashioned hammers out of baked potatoes and forks and proceeded to recite The Legend of John Henry for the entire dinner. Just last Thanksgiving, my brother spilled cranberry juice all over the white tablecloth. My uncontrollable laughter earned me a boot from the dining room. Every year we end up force-feeding my brother.
Following the meal, our two cats scavenge for scraps of turkey or ham on the floor and raid the butter dish on top of the table. Ultimately, our pets probably gain more weight than we do.
Because we’ve been so disconnected from our family during Thanksgiving, the holiday never really meant much to me. But the bizarre nature of these dinners in the past has made them all the more memorable and enjoyable.
Monday, November 21, 2011
How To Pour a Glass of Milk
First, you must ensure there is, in fact, milk in the house. If not, you have to drive to the store, locate the milk, purchase the milk (which I strongly recommend), and return home. I would also advise you to wear a seatbelt. I mean, you’re going to get yourself killed otherwise. And your expedition to the store would have been absolutely pointless.
Once you are comfortably situated in your own house or other abode, you must gather the necessary apparatus: one cup and your milk. It is also wise that your milk meets certain criteria. For one, I encourage you to check the expiration date on your milk. If not, you always stand the risk of getting a mouthful of curd. And trust me, you do not want that. This leads me to my next suggestion.
Do not chug your milk. For if this milk had already been present in your home for some time, and its seal had ever been broken, it might taste like last week’s spaghetti or that roast beef or that halved onion your neighbor left in your fridge. When cold milk comes into contact with warmer air, the air condenses and its capacity to retain moisture and odor diminishes. This inhibits the air from retaining the bond it was carrying, and results in the depositing of these components on the surface of the milk. As a result, the stench is absorbed and held inside of the milk. Now it is contaminated. Dispose of the milk immediately.
Now that you have inspected your milk, and you have obtained a vessel in which to pour your milk, it is now time to break the plastic seal around the rim of the jug or pop open the mouth of the carton or twist off the top. Either way, for safety measures, there should still be an obstacle between you and your milk. If not, your milk is a little sketchy. Get new milk.
The milk carton is probably the most challenging of “milk medium”. You must conquer its paper spout. Eight times out of ten, you are going to tear the spout. Then you must proceed to hack at it with scissors until it opens. In the case of the gallon jug, you must handle its plastic rim with much care. Tear too fast and you will rip off the tab. Tear too slow and you will rip off the tab. Regardless of your technique in removing the rim, if the plastic was poorly formed, you will rip off the tab. Therefore your best bet in removing it is with an X-ACTO knife. Or I suppose you could gnaw at it with your teeth for a while. The milk in the standard jug you can find at your local convenience store is easily accessible, but there is a greater chance that someone could have spiked it.
Observe your cup. Is there any crud on the inside of it? Is there any grime or soap residue? If so, you do not want to pour your milk in there. It will end up tasting like crud or filth or soap. Many discover this after pouring their milk and observe bits of food matter floating around or an odd taste. Your milk is now contaminated and you must start over.
We have now reached the pinnacle of difficulty in obtaining your milk--- pouring it. Unscrew the cap (if you have not done so already). This is the point in which your milk is most vulnerable. You could always end up dropping the milk, spilling it. You could always knock into your cup, potentially breaking it, and spilling your milk. You could also put the milk back into your fridge without the cap on and exposing it to all the contaminants within your fridge. Always mind the cap.
Hold a firm stance of the ground. If your milk container of choice is a jug, grip its handle with one hand, and steady your cup with the other. If your milk is in a jug or carton, you have the option of pouring it into a cup or you may drink it straight from the vessel. But if you tore the spout of your milk carton earlier, the lip will be papery and become soggy very quickly. No one likes that. Now the trick is in the angle. To successfully and safely pour your beverage, hold your arm about 30 degrees from full extension. If this position is not maintained, your milk with both pour too fast and spill out of your cup or it will run down the sides of your milk container and not into the cup.
Hopefully you have been able to pour your milk into your cup with minimal spillage. Now carefully replace the cap (if necessary) and return the milk to your refrigerator.
Congratulations! By following these steps you have now successfully poured a glass of contaminant-free milk. That is, unless you milk is currently being inhabited by a population of Escherichia Coli. If so, you’ll probably find our soon enough.
Once you are comfortably situated in your own house or other abode, you must gather the necessary apparatus: one cup and your milk. It is also wise that your milk meets certain criteria. For one, I encourage you to check the expiration date on your milk. If not, you always stand the risk of getting a mouthful of curd. And trust me, you do not want that. This leads me to my next suggestion.
Do not chug your milk. For if this milk had already been present in your home for some time, and its seal had ever been broken, it might taste like last week’s spaghetti or that roast beef or that halved onion your neighbor left in your fridge. When cold milk comes into contact with warmer air, the air condenses and its capacity to retain moisture and odor diminishes. This inhibits the air from retaining the bond it was carrying, and results in the depositing of these components on the surface of the milk. As a result, the stench is absorbed and held inside of the milk. Now it is contaminated. Dispose of the milk immediately.
Now that you have inspected your milk, and you have obtained a vessel in which to pour your milk, it is now time to break the plastic seal around the rim of the jug or pop open the mouth of the carton or twist off the top. Either way, for safety measures, there should still be an obstacle between you and your milk. If not, your milk is a little sketchy. Get new milk.
The milk carton is probably the most challenging of “milk medium”. You must conquer its paper spout. Eight times out of ten, you are going to tear the spout. Then you must proceed to hack at it with scissors until it opens. In the case of the gallon jug, you must handle its plastic rim with much care. Tear too fast and you will rip off the tab. Tear too slow and you will rip off the tab. Regardless of your technique in removing the rim, if the plastic was poorly formed, you will rip off the tab. Therefore your best bet in removing it is with an X-ACTO knife. Or I suppose you could gnaw at it with your teeth for a while. The milk in the standard jug you can find at your local convenience store is easily accessible, but there is a greater chance that someone could have spiked it.
Observe your cup. Is there any crud on the inside of it? Is there any grime or soap residue? If so, you do not want to pour your milk in there. It will end up tasting like crud or filth or soap. Many discover this after pouring their milk and observe bits of food matter floating around or an odd taste. Your milk is now contaminated and you must start over.
We have now reached the pinnacle of difficulty in obtaining your milk--- pouring it. Unscrew the cap (if you have not done so already). This is the point in which your milk is most vulnerable. You could always end up dropping the milk, spilling it. You could always knock into your cup, potentially breaking it, and spilling your milk. You could also put the milk back into your fridge without the cap on and exposing it to all the contaminants within your fridge. Always mind the cap.
Hold a firm stance of the ground. If your milk container of choice is a jug, grip its handle with one hand, and steady your cup with the other. If your milk is in a jug or carton, you have the option of pouring it into a cup or you may drink it straight from the vessel. But if you tore the spout of your milk carton earlier, the lip will be papery and become soggy very quickly. No one likes that. Now the trick is in the angle. To successfully and safely pour your beverage, hold your arm about 30 degrees from full extension. If this position is not maintained, your milk with both pour too fast and spill out of your cup or it will run down the sides of your milk container and not into the cup.
Hopefully you have been able to pour your milk into your cup with minimal spillage. Now carefully replace the cap (if necessary) and return the milk to your refrigerator.
Congratulations! By following these steps you have now successfully poured a glass of contaminant-free milk. That is, unless you milk is currently being inhabited by a population of Escherichia Coli. If so, you’ll probably find our soon enough.
Football and food
The stock image Thanksgiving involves a lot of people around a nicely decorated table with a large turkey and a ridiculous amount of extra food. This image doesn't always depict the reality of the holiday though.
What does your Thanksgiving look like? Do you enjoy the holiday? What is your strangest or most wonderful memory of the holiday?
My Thanksgiving is exactly like that. It involves food and football. Usually, I wake up early or around my normal waking hour and hang out with my family. I always travel for Thanksgiving. It is usually to Richmond, Virginia. That is where I am going this Thanksgiving. I will eat a small breakfast to be hungry for later. I will then proceed to go outside in the cool, fall, late November weather and throw football with my family members. Sometimes, I go with my uncle and dad and brother to shoot a gun and drive a boat at my uncle's hunting cabin, but sometimes, I just hang out and watch the Detroit Lions lose a football game. Then I watch the other game and eventually go and change into some nice, but pretty casual clothes and help my family get dinner prepared. It is always fun to be with my family! I then will sit down and our family will say prayers and eat away at all of the home cooked turkey and other foods in front of our table. I then eat pie and feel bloated and sit down and watch football and try to fall asleep. It is the best feeling ever! I love Thanksgiving! My strangest memory is last year the Lions almost beat the Patriots! Thank goodness that did not happen- that is not in the tradition of Thanksgiving!!!
Assignment 14: Flying Turkeys
The stock image Thanksgiving involves a lot of people around a nicely decorated table with a large turkey and a ridiculous amount of extra food. This image doesn't always depict the reality of the holiday though.
What does your Thanksgiving look like? Do you enjoy the holiday? What is your strangest or most wonderful memory of the holiday?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
how to open a can of soda
Little children, listen up! I am sick and tired of you little frankenfurters who can not seem to grasp this rudimentary and painless procedure. You have broken my fingers. I will not stand for this. Instead i implore you to listen to my direction.
The first step in opening a can of soda is simple. Do not, and I repeat do not, shake the can. It is a tried and tested fact that this can only end in catastrophe. If you do happen to shake the can however, fear not young ones! The situation has a remedy. Set the can down on a hard flat surface and enter your cold war era disaster bunker. You may yet survive (assuming you have appropriate rations available).
The first step in opening a can of soda is simple. Do not, and I repeat do not, shake the can. It is a tried and tested fact that this can only end in catastrophe. If you do happen to shake the can however, fear not young ones! The situation has a remedy. Set the can down on a hard flat surface and enter your cold war era disaster bunker. You may yet survive (assuming you have appropriate rations available).
The second step is to put the tab. This is not difficult; stop kidding yourself. Use your teeth if you have to, or even a flat head screw-driver. Just pull it. Don't be scared of breaking it; i guarantee you, you are not strong enough.
Congratulations! You have just opened a soda can. You are now a full grown person.
How to Remember a Name...Guaranteed.
Just when you thought you were safe at the annual family reunion: "HI!"
Oh no! What is her name? Beth? No, Judy! No...Julie! No...oh, and she doesn't have a nametag on either! What to do??
Have you ever been through this situation? Of course you have! It happens to the best of us...
Except me, of course. That is, up until recently, when I discovered a fool-proof way to always remember someone's name. And it's as simple as A-B-C.
Step 1: Assocation
Think of something about that person that makes them stick out from the rest; and don't say "nothing", because even chronic boringness is a trait!
It could also help to remember someone/something they are related to that you will never forget the name of (i.e. aunt, uncle, cousin, neighborhood, children, occupation, boss, company, etc.)
Step 2: Bridge Build
You always seem to remember the name of an author, TV show, movie star, or book that you like, right? Well, that's probably because you develop an interest or stock in it, so you file it away somewhere in your brain. Well, the same goes for remembering names. Find something in common with the person whose name you're struggling with and apply it to their face (this goes hand in hand with association). Also, it's very unlikely that you will forget someone's name that you like or have something in common with; that is, unless you can't remember anything whatsoever, which, in that case, you're on your own.
Step 3: Correlate
When you see a white, plump snowman with a "corncob pipe", who do you think? Or when you hear "Somewhere over the Rainbow", what/who do you think? (The answers are Frosty the Snowman and "The Wizard of Oz"/Judy Garland for those who haven't yet graduated from this program). It is very, very helpful to correlate a voice or characteristic with a person.
An example is my Uncle Leroy. He has the most scraggly white beard and the most high-pitched voice, so I recognize him immediately. Even my Aunt Ramona, who puts even sunflowers to sleep, is remembered because of her one beauty mark on her left cheek and her voice that sounds like a mixture of a librarian and Maria von Trapp. Who can you associate with certain characteristics?
And that's all there is to it! Three easy steps to being the only one at family reunions, Christmas parties, parent-teacher conferences, or even fifth period English class that knows everyone's (and I do mean everyone's) names.
How to Laugh in the Face of a Drugee
Those of us who went through D.A.R.E. are more than familiar with all the horror stories of drug and alcohol abuse. For me, D.A.R.E. was the straw that broke the camel's back for any sort of substance abuse.
So why isn't D.A.R.E. 100% effective for everyone like it was for me? Well I'm a person who naturally has the ability, if not the inclination, to laugh in someone's face. But some people don't. So I think D.A.R.E. should really include a good lesson in quality face laughing.
Unfortunately we're all too old for D.A.R.E. and the school system just ended it, probably so Henry Clay could have those lovely plasma T.V.'s installed.
So why don't I give you guys a little run down of how I think you should deal with one of those rambunctious rapscallions I like to call a drugee.
1) Assess the situation in which the drugee is addressing you. These situations could range anywhere from a casual pass by to a full fledged "Hey man, you want a hit?"
2) Look at the drugs this fool possesses. You're going to base the volume of your laughter on the severity of those drugs. How you decide which drugs are the most severe is really a personal choice, because laughing is a personal act of joy.
3) Unshackle the chains of subtlety and LAUGH in the face--IT MUST BE THE FACE--of this drugee. Take pride in the fact that you needn't insert materials into your body to entertain yourself, whether alone at home or at a social interaction. Laugh, LAUGH at this dependent, spineless individual lacking the moral fiber to bear life without the pillow of hallucination, ecstasy or unnatural rush.
4) Walk home a man so confident a new hair has sprung from his chest or a woman so confident... something a woman takes pride in happens. Yeah.
How to Shuffle Cards (The Real Way)
Tired of shuffling the “boring” way? Want to shuffle like a master, instead of cutting the cards, which really doesn’t actually shuffle them well? Well, with enough practice, and by following some easy steps, you’ll be able to shuffle cards without any trouble at all. You’ll need a new deck of cards, since new cards are easier to bridge, as they’re more rigid and will spring back to shape quicker.
First, place the middle segments of your pinkie, ring, and index finger over the short side of the deck of cards. The outside of the middle segment of your index finger should be pushing on the broad side of the cards, giving the deck a slight curve. Place your thumb on the bottom of the deck, near the edge of the cards. It should look something like the image.
Still holding onto the cards with your fingers, slide your thumb from the cards towards your hand, taking the pressure off the cards one by one – keep half of the cards on your thumb; these should still be bent from the pressure of your index finger. Take the half that is off of your thumb with your left hand, and hold them like you have been holding them in your right hand.
Bring your thumbs close together, and slide your thumbs off the cards at the same time – this should alternate the cards at the corners. Push the cards together so that there are about two centimeters of overlap. With the two decks together, push the cards towards your hands with your last three fingers, making sure that your thumbs create an arch. Bring your last three fingers back out while pushing the cards together. Don’t worry, if the cards don’t bridge, keep practicing, or watch a video on this. There’s only so much I can show you through writing and diagrams.
If you practice enough, you should be able to shuffle cards naturally in no time.
If you somehow manage to understand this, good job!
How to Twitter
Logan Gardner
Process Analysis Essay, Question 5:
How to Twitter
Twitter. It’s all the rage now-a-days. Who hasn’t heard the phrases, “Oh, well Twitter’s becoming the new Facebook,” or, “Hold on let me tweet that,” lately? Everyone who’s anyone has already created their own account, and the everyone who isn’t anyone has started signing up for the popular website. Why, even those terrified of the internet are giving it a shot! With that said, it’s common sense that these, rather obvious, known facts might give the technological “un-savvy” population a bit of an anxiety attack. The feeling that they’re falling interminably behind, that they will never have the ability to catch back up with mass societal trends, can affect really anyone, but no one more than the technologically challenged citizen. However, there is a solution! By completing the five simple, yet overwhelming, steps of creating an account, learning to follow, understanding twitter-speak, and gaining the power to tweet one will journey through a life-altering, mind-blowing process.
Now, before putting oneself through the stressful commitment of creating a twitter account, it is necessary to mentally prepare. Perform a psychological introspection by asking the following questions: Are you ready to have no friends? Do you want people to think that you’re a Neolithic recluse? Do you not care about ANYTHING that occurs in the world? Are you a solipsistic, only interested in yourself, “I don’t care about anyone but me,” kind of person? If the answer to ANY of these questions is “yes,” STOP reading this life-changing essay and instead I personally, and professionally, recommend either therapy or suicide. Moving on, it is time to enter the World of Twitter for the first time. To complete this, turn on a computer by pressing the power button (it has a circle with a vertical line through the top). Once at the desktop (the main screen on the computer screen), double click on an internet browser (Internet Explorer, Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, Safari) and wait for it to load. Next, go to the long, slim horizontal box at the top of the screen and type in www.twitter.com , then click “Enter.” This is vital to the process. Now click on the various boxes on the left-hand side of the page and enter in the requested information. Please ensure that the email account selected is actually in use, as if accounts remain inactive for excessive periods of time (about twenty years) they tend to expire. Now it’s time to select a username. This may take multiple tries as many usernames have already been selected, but try to be creative. An idea is to select a random adjective, a random noun, and try it out! Once this has been accomplished, the account is tweet-ready!
Once the procedure of preparing a twitter-ready account has run its course, it is time to learn more about the World of Twitter. In Twitter, there are two types of people: the Followers, and the Following. In short, the Followers are the people that want to follow you. They often want to know every little detail about your life and really aren’t that much farther above the social scale than stalkers. It is for this reason that trying to keep your own Following-Followers ratio at a minimum (the more followers and less following the better) is imperative. The Following are the people that show up on the Timeline, or home screen. In order for these people to become “the Following,” it is necessary to click the “Follow” button below their name. Often times, once following someone, that person will feel inclined to follow back. At this time, you can unfollow them (simply press the unfollow button below their name) making your ratio better and theirs worse! They often won’t even notice a difference! However, beware, if caught in the act daily encounters with that person will become rather awkward. All in all, the main lesson gained from following people is “FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW,” then when the following follow back, “UNFOLLOW, UNFOLLOW, UNFOLLOW.”
The next step taken on the journey to Twitter enlightenment is to learn to speak twitter. Yes, that means facing fears regarding hashtags, trending topics, and the dreaded at symbol (@). To facilitate this process with as little confusion as possible simple definitions are given. Trending topics: The most popular topics on Twitter, these are often current events, fashionable celebrities, or random Spanish statements involving Justin Bieber. Hashtags: How trending topics are determined; an example could be #MeGustaJustinBieber. These can also serve as “after thoughts” after a tweet has been composed. Retweet: When someone liked your tweet so much they wanted to tweet it to all of THEIR followers! This is usually signaled by a “RT.” The at symbol (@): These are used to “tag” people in tweets, showing them that they have been mentioned. For instance, an example of a twitter username would be @HCProbs. So now if a tweet that states, “RT: @HCProbs when the people are #annoying,” it can be understood!
The last, and final, step to learning to twitter is understanding the art of tweeting. First off, a tweet is the thing that, once written, is automatically posted to all of your followers’ Timelines (the home screen). To write one, click on the long horizontal box at the top of the screen (the one BELOW the box you typed www.twitter.com in), and then tweet to the heart’s content. Or until 140 characters have been reached (yes, there is a limit on how crazy one’s tweets may be). A few tips to keep in mind: try writing funny tweets, as these will often be retweeted therefore inclining more people to follow you! Don’t tweet about one’s life, relationship, or anything else people don’t care about. They’ll unfollow and then hate you. Finally, don’t tweet too much, as people can, in fact, have too much of a good thing.
Twitter was designed as an entertaining social networking site to bring people together. Don’t allow personal “follower goals” to distract the true purpose of the site. In conclusion, be safe, tweet hard, follow fair.
Process Analysis Essay, Question 5:
How to Twitter
Twitter. It’s all the rage now-a-days. Who hasn’t heard the phrases, “Oh, well Twitter’s becoming the new Facebook,” or, “Hold on let me tweet that,” lately? Everyone who’s anyone has already created their own account, and the everyone who isn’t anyone has started signing up for the popular website. Why, even those terrified of the internet are giving it a shot! With that said, it’s common sense that these, rather obvious, known facts might give the technological “un-savvy” population a bit of an anxiety attack. The feeling that they’re falling interminably behind, that they will never have the ability to catch back up with mass societal trends, can affect really anyone, but no one more than the technologically challenged citizen. However, there is a solution! By completing the five simple, yet overwhelming, steps of creating an account, learning to follow, understanding twitter-speak, and gaining the power to tweet one will journey through a life-altering, mind-blowing process.
Now, before putting oneself through the stressful commitment of creating a twitter account, it is necessary to mentally prepare. Perform a psychological introspection by asking the following questions: Are you ready to have no friends? Do you want people to think that you’re a Neolithic recluse? Do you not care about ANYTHING that occurs in the world? Are you a solipsistic, only interested in yourself, “I don’t care about anyone but me,” kind of person? If the answer to ANY of these questions is “yes,” STOP reading this life-changing essay and instead I personally, and professionally, recommend either therapy or suicide. Moving on, it is time to enter the World of Twitter for the first time. To complete this, turn on a computer by pressing the power button (it has a circle with a vertical line through the top). Once at the desktop (the main screen on the computer screen), double click on an internet browser (Internet Explorer, Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, Safari) and wait for it to load. Next, go to the long, slim horizontal box at the top of the screen and type in www.twitter.com , then click “Enter.” This is vital to the process. Now click on the various boxes on the left-hand side of the page and enter in the requested information. Please ensure that the email account selected is actually in use, as if accounts remain inactive for excessive periods of time (about twenty years) they tend to expire. Now it’s time to select a username. This may take multiple tries as many usernames have already been selected, but try to be creative. An idea is to select a random adjective, a random noun, and try it out! Once this has been accomplished, the account is tweet-ready!
Once the procedure of preparing a twitter-ready account has run its course, it is time to learn more about the World of Twitter. In Twitter, there are two types of people: the Followers, and the Following. In short, the Followers are the people that want to follow you. They often want to know every little detail about your life and really aren’t that much farther above the social scale than stalkers. It is for this reason that trying to keep your own Following-Followers ratio at a minimum (the more followers and less following the better) is imperative. The Following are the people that show up on the Timeline, or home screen. In order for these people to become “the Following,” it is necessary to click the “Follow” button below their name. Often times, once following someone, that person will feel inclined to follow back. At this time, you can unfollow them (simply press the unfollow button below their name) making your ratio better and theirs worse! They often won’t even notice a difference! However, beware, if caught in the act daily encounters with that person will become rather awkward. All in all, the main lesson gained from following people is “FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW,” then when the following follow back, “UNFOLLOW, UNFOLLOW, UNFOLLOW.”
The next step taken on the journey to Twitter enlightenment is to learn to speak twitter. Yes, that means facing fears regarding hashtags, trending topics, and the dreaded at symbol (@). To facilitate this process with as little confusion as possible simple definitions are given. Trending topics: The most popular topics on Twitter, these are often current events, fashionable celebrities, or random Spanish statements involving Justin Bieber. Hashtags: How trending topics are determined; an example could be #MeGustaJustinBieber. These can also serve as “after thoughts” after a tweet has been composed. Retweet: When someone liked your tweet so much they wanted to tweet it to all of THEIR followers! This is usually signaled by a “RT.” The at symbol (@): These are used to “tag” people in tweets, showing them that they have been mentioned. For instance, an example of a twitter username would be @HCProbs. So now if a tweet that states, “RT: @HCProbs when the people are #annoying,” it can be understood!
The last, and final, step to learning to twitter is understanding the art of tweeting. First off, a tweet is the thing that, once written, is automatically posted to all of your followers’ Timelines (the home screen). To write one, click on the long horizontal box at the top of the screen (the one BELOW the box you typed www.twitter.com in), and then tweet to the heart’s content. Or until 140 characters have been reached (yes, there is a limit on how crazy one’s tweets may be). A few tips to keep in mind: try writing funny tweets, as these will often be retweeted therefore inclining more people to follow you! Don’t tweet about one’s life, relationship, or anything else people don’t care about. They’ll unfollow and then hate you. Finally, don’t tweet too much, as people can, in fact, have too much of a good thing.
Twitter was designed as an entertaining social networking site to bring people together. Don’t allow personal “follower goals” to distract the true purpose of the site. In conclusion, be safe, tweet hard, follow fair.
How to brown nose your teacher
There are a few simple ways to brown nose your teacher and hopefully allow them to enjoy your presence more.
If you don't enjoy technology and think its amazing, well then change your beliefs, for this to work you have to love technology and know everything about it, specifically Apple's technology. This teacher you are trying to brown nose, loves technology so bring him cool gadgets and he will begin to love you.
But wait, there's more... This teacher also loves it when you praise him unconditionally. In fact he really enjoys being called the ruler of AP English. He is probably the best AP English teacher around, and because he is modest doesn't like to tell people he is so great. But just in case you were wondering, he is the best.
If any of you were wondering at all who this is (which you obviously werent) it is he one, the only, the fabulous, Mr.Logsdon.
If you don't enjoy technology and think its amazing, well then change your beliefs, for this to work you have to love technology and know everything about it, specifically Apple's technology. This teacher you are trying to brown nose, loves technology so bring him cool gadgets and he will begin to love you.
But wait, there's more... This teacher also loves it when you praise him unconditionally. In fact he really enjoys being called the ruler of AP English. He is probably the best AP English teacher around, and because he is modest doesn't like to tell people he is so great. But just in case you were wondering, he is the best.
If any of you were wondering at all who this is (which you obviously werent) it is he one, the only, the fabulous, Mr.Logsdon.
How to Take the Obnoxious Ginger Jokes
If you are a red head then you can sympathize with the everyday occurrence of obnoxious ginger jokes. Ever since SputhPark's introduction of "gingers having no souls" or anyother stupid and petty jokes that simply do not make sense. However, regardless of the fact that I could rant about this for hours the real reason I'm writing this is to help all of you other gingers out there through these ridiculous unnecessary jokes.
Step #1 is actually the joke being told to you. What do you do? Laugh? Get angry? Start crying? The worst thing you can do is give them what they want...a reaction. My best advice to you is simply to walk away. It is one thing for the joke to be funny which in this case you may laigh; however, when the jokes become offensive about making outrageous assumptions about a group if people based on their hair color is when it is time to walk away.
Step #2 the after joke. After the joke has been told and things have died down I suggest talking with the joke teller. If it is offensive or over the line then it is your responsibility to tell them so. However, do not get worked up over harmless jokes meant solely meant for joking good fun.
Step #3 learn to deal. Lately I have been extra sensitive to them and honestly it has worked a little. But I have learned that simply walking away is the best way to stop the poking fun.
In conclusion all I have to say is power to the gingers and don't let anyone tell you differently!!!
Step #1 is actually the joke being told to you. What do you do? Laugh? Get angry? Start crying? The worst thing you can do is give them what they want...a reaction. My best advice to you is simply to walk away. It is one thing for the joke to be funny which in this case you may laigh; however, when the jokes become offensive about making outrageous assumptions about a group if people based on their hair color is when it is time to walk away.
Step #2 the after joke. After the joke has been told and things have died down I suggest talking with the joke teller. If it is offensive or over the line then it is your responsibility to tell them so. However, do not get worked up over harmless jokes meant solely meant for joking good fun.
Step #3 learn to deal. Lately I have been extra sensitive to them and honestly it has worked a little. But I have learned that simply walking away is the best way to stop the poking fun.
In conclusion all I have to say is power to the gingers and don't let anyone tell you differently!!!
How to be sketchy
The first thing to remember is that appearances are everything. If someone's first impression of you is that you are likely to kidnap their children or themselves then you have succeeded.
For starters, NEVER be clean shaven. Have a large beard that is totally unkempt. Also, being bald is helpful. The next most important thing is clothing. This part is really easy because you can wear whatever you want since you should be wearing a trenchcoat everyday anyways. These are fantastic because it let's you keep your hands and your person concealed. No one knows what you have hidden underneath it, you could have meth, a gun, a human child, or all three. As far as your car, you need some sort of large van, preferably without windows. Something that looks like it could hold an entire kindergarten class and no one would know. If you are really 'bout it then you should drive an old, beaten up ice cream truck.
The next thing to remember is how to act when interacting with people. When asked a question, never give a straightforward answer. Questions like "where have you been?" or "are you doing anything later?" should be answered with "don't worry about it" or "about" and "perhaps". You should keep your shoulders slumped and make sure your eyes dart a lot.
If you do all of these things then you are sure to be the sketchiest person around, and your friends will admire you for it.
For starters, NEVER be clean shaven. Have a large beard that is totally unkempt. Also, being bald is helpful. The next most important thing is clothing. This part is really easy because you can wear whatever you want since you should be wearing a trenchcoat everyday anyways. These are fantastic because it let's you keep your hands and your person concealed. No one knows what you have hidden underneath it, you could have meth, a gun, a human child, or all three. As far as your car, you need some sort of large van, preferably without windows. Something that looks like it could hold an entire kindergarten class and no one would know. If you are really 'bout it then you should drive an old, beaten up ice cream truck.
The next thing to remember is how to act when interacting with people. When asked a question, never give a straightforward answer. Questions like "where have you been?" or "are you doing anything later?" should be answered with "don't worry about it" or "about" and "perhaps". You should keep your shoulders slumped and make sure your eyes dart a lot.
If you do all of these things then you are sure to be the sketchiest person around, and your friends will admire you for it.
How to Avoid Talking to Someone You Don't Want to Talk to
We all have those awkward moments when we are around people we don't want to talk to. There are the random people that come to your door sealing obnoxious things, or those who you just may not like. Personally, I seem to be caught in these situations quite often and have found that there are many ways to remove yourself from the situations. Trust me, people don't like loose canons, and therefore...
1. You can spontaneously turn into an animal, such as a dog, dolphin, turkey, or even a velociraptor. I prefer this choice because you can claw and or bite if need be.
2. I don't want to offend anyone by this, but you can also begin acting like Helen Keller, making strange noises and grabbing their face.
3. The next option, may take longer than you have the time or energy for, but you break into a never ending song of the situation you are in. Such as, "Why are you talking to me? I don't really know you, and don't like you. I feel real uncomfortable and want you to leave me alone," but with a singing tone.
4. Lastly, there is always spontaneous planking, which you do until the person decides to walk away.
*Just remember that this should only be used in the certain instances in which you feel someone has really fallen off their rocker and your well being is in danger.
1. You can spontaneously turn into an animal, such as a dog, dolphin, turkey, or even a velociraptor. I prefer this choice because you can claw and or bite if need be.
2. I don't want to offend anyone by this, but you can also begin acting like Helen Keller, making strange noises and grabbing their face.
3. The next option, may take longer than you have the time or energy for, but you break into a never ending song of the situation you are in. Such as, "Why are you talking to me? I don't really know you, and don't like you. I feel real uncomfortable and want you to leave me alone," but with a singing tone.
4. Lastly, there is always spontaneous planking, which you do until the person decides to walk away.
*Just remember that this should only be used in the certain instances in which you feel someone has really fallen off their rocker and your well being is in danger.
How to be lazy
First, you need to choose the optimal time to be lazy. One can perform the best on the weekend; there are no stupid distractions, like school! As soon as you come home on friday,you must go straight to the kitchen. Collect as many nonperishable, fattening foods as possible, in one trip. You must avoid getting out of your bed at all cost. After you take your food to your bedside table, then you must take a "pee break." My biggest pet peeve is to get snuggled up and warm in my bed, then have an urge to pee.
The number one thing to do, while being lazy, is to watch netflix as many hours of the day as possible. My preferred viewing device is the ipad. Scary movies. comedies. romances. sci-fi. All of the preceding movie genres and more are at your fingertips. The most strenuous thing you do this weekend SHOULD be choosing a movie.
Now, it is time to lay back, stuff your face and enjoy the movie. Do not forget to turn off your phone; you may decide to do something social, and this is not on the approved list of laziness. You should go to bed late and wake up even later, preferably after one pm. In the morning, wake up and repeat these actions all weekend.
The number one thing to do, while being lazy, is to watch netflix as many hours of the day as possible. My preferred viewing device is the ipad. Scary movies. comedies. romances. sci-fi. All of the preceding movie genres and more are at your fingertips. The most strenuous thing you do this weekend SHOULD be choosing a movie.
Now, it is time to lay back, stuff your face and enjoy the movie. Do not forget to turn off your phone; you may decide to do something social, and this is not on the approved list of laziness. You should go to bed late and wake up even later, preferably after one pm. In the morning, wake up and repeat these actions all weekend.
How To Download Music For Free
Ever wanted to listen to that new Back Street Boys album, but then remembered the man "itunes" is too expensive to buy the songs? Well now your life is going to be so much easier, by downloading music online for FREE! Most people say that downloading music is illegal and as Mr. Pope would say, "I DON'T KNOW!" Ok lets get back to the basics back to the matrix with this shindig. Now, there are three different methods, each having their own perks. If you are downloading a single song, then two of the methods are the best. First, open up your preferred internet browser and either search "youtube to mp3" and click the first link or "Song name mediafire" into the search bar. Now in the youtube method you must search the song on youtube then copy the url into the link you previously clicked and download. Or, in the mediafire method you just search for the link that is by mediafire.com and click it, then click the huge green download button. Both methods will directly download to your itunes account. However, if you choose the third method, which is better for albums or discography's of a band, then I would search Vuze into your search bar, and download it. Now once that is downloaded, search the songs/albums/bands that you would like to download with "pirate bay" at the end. Now click on the pirate bay link, and once it is loaded click the download torrent button. This will download into your Vuze application, and once it is downloaded, you drag it to the itunes selector on the left hand side of the Vuze application. Then it will copy into your itunes account. So now that you know how to download music for free, go and fight the man and steal money from celebrities!
How to Prank Call
Well I must say I'm a great prank phone caller. I have learned the ways through friends and experience and I'm about to let you in on some of my secrets.
First, We are not in seventh grade so don't call some girl and tell her, " hey this is samantha and A not sound like a girl or B just sound stupid. If your going to call some girl which you shouldn't they either need to have a good personality and there's a chance that they will go with it or it has to be at like two in the morning and they answer like half asleep and you really piss them off.
The problem with calling your ex or someone you hate or some guy you don't like is that THEY WILL HANG UP. This ruins the prank call. You are clearly not having any fun. Also don't call someone that knows you cause they will figure you out and then you just look dumb.
I recommend someone that has to take you seriously. By doing this you can really mess with them. My personal targets are Wal-mart, Pizza Places, Garmin, 1800 Ask Gary, and when I was at my school in florida I would call our front desk a lot.
When prank calling in order to have the most fun get an audience that won't laugh and always put on a fake accent or different tone of voice. Also BE PREPARED. In order to get taken seriously you must be on your game and ready for anything they throw at you.
Here are two appropriate highlights of last years friday night weekly prank call sessions. My all time favorite was when I called Garmin the GPS company and played the character of an old country accented man. My situation was that the GPS told me to turn left on some street and I ran straight into a brick wall totaling my car. Not only was I having a good time with my country accent but also I was acting as pissed off as possible. For a lack of better words this foreign guy on the other end was in a real tizzy and had no idea how to deal with this ignorant redneck geezer.
My next best was when I called the dorm office at my boarding school as a parent and complained that there was a dead dog on my sons doorstep. This was great because my room mates and I got to see one of our door mentors go out of his way to go to our friends room across the road from us and chew him out.
So remember when prank calling be liable, put on an accent, call someone who has to take you seriously, and have fun.
How to make your arms move without your permission
Most of you have probably tried this trick at some point in your childhood and I can assume that it amazed you at the time. I know because I used to do it all the time. It was the coolest thing ever to a young kid, and anyone with younger siblings this is a great way to entertain them for a little bit. Until recently though I didn't know why this occurred (something about calcium in the muscles. I won't go into the specifics of what actually happens within the muscles in your arms, just how to do it.
First find a doorway. You have to be able to stand with your arms out and touch both sides other wise it wont work. Once you find the door push against the sides of the frame with your palms down. Keep pushing for about 30 seconds. At this point simply step away from the door and relax-or try to relax-your arms. You should find it difficult because your arms will raise every time you put them at your sides. Go try it, it's pretty cool.
Need Street Cred?
Street cred is a hard and mysterious force that drives little g’s to become Big G’s, just like Montell Jordan explained in his 90’s hit, “This Is How We Do It.” It’s not something that can be earned over night but takes time and practice to master.
If you think that street cred is a way of earning tokens to park in any major city between Monday-Saturday 8 a.m. to 5 P.M., then this article is for you.
1) Learn the Ebonics language – We all know the words “cool,” “phat,” and “awesome.” Words that help describe something that necessarily doesn’t apply to the subject at all.
Example: “Connor is the coolest mofo around.”
Most of the time my body temperature is exactly where it needs to be and in no way or shape lower. Therefore, my “coolness” is just a term that translates in the English language as someone that you can have a good time with, or someone that understands that knows how to party.
Mofo is just an abbreviated form of someone that knows “a lot” about your mother. In fact, someone that knows your mother as well as you father once did or currently does. I do not know any mothers in this way and in now way would really be a mofo until my current fiancé and I have kids. However, this term can be derogatory but in this sense it is a term of endearment.
To look up current slang terms, take a long gander at the good 'ole Urban Dictionary
Step 2 – Stay up with the latest trends, fashion and music – To gain street cred, you can dress the part. There are many styles and trends that will gain points and can increase your street credibility. You don’t have to dress in just urban clothing either. Notice what others are wearing when you walk around and see what is trendy, purchase said clothes and holla back (check urban dictionary for meaning).
Music can be a little tricky. For one, you need to be able to relate to situations with lyrics (like I did in the beginning of this post). Second, you should be able to discuss this music informally once in a while. Third, do not, I repeat do not quote any Hannah Montana or Jonas Brothers songs... ever. Both of these artists are annoying and no one will respect you if you quote them.
Example: “Hey Connor what happened with you and so and so?”
Reply “Now my heart's in two and I can't find the other half. It's like walking on broken glass” Or
"What are you going to do now Connor?"
"Nobody's perfect, I've gotta work it, again and again till I get it right."
If you think that street cred is a way of earning tokens to park in any major city between Monday-Saturday 8 a.m. to 5 P.M., then this article is for you.
1) Learn the Ebonics language – We all know the words “cool,” “phat,” and “awesome.” Words that help describe something that necessarily doesn’t apply to the subject at all.
Example: “Connor is the coolest mofo around.”
Most of the time my body temperature is exactly where it needs to be and in no way or shape lower. Therefore, my “coolness” is just a term that translates in the English language as someone that you can have a good time with, or someone that understands that knows how to party.
Mofo is just an abbreviated form of someone that knows “a lot” about your mother. In fact, someone that knows your mother as well as you father once did or currently does. I do not know any mothers in this way and in now way would really be a mofo until my current fiancé and I have kids. However, this term can be derogatory but in this sense it is a term of endearment.
To look up current slang terms, take a long gander at the good 'ole Urban Dictionary
Step 2 – Stay up with the latest trends, fashion and music – To gain street cred, you can dress the part. There are many styles and trends that will gain points and can increase your street credibility. You don’t have to dress in just urban clothing either. Notice what others are wearing when you walk around and see what is trendy, purchase said clothes and holla back (check urban dictionary for meaning).
Music can be a little tricky. For one, you need to be able to relate to situations with lyrics (like I did in the beginning of this post). Second, you should be able to discuss this music informally once in a while. Third, do not, I repeat do not quote any Hannah Montana or Jonas Brothers songs... ever. Both of these artists are annoying and no one will respect you if you quote them.
Example: “Hey Connor what happened with you and so and so?”
Reply “Now my heart's in two and I can't find the other half. It's like walking on broken glass” Or
"What are you going to do now Connor?"
"Nobody's perfect, I've gotta work it, again and again till I get it right."
JUST DONT DO IT
Step 3 – Believe in yourself – Remember the only person you have to impress is yourself. If you believe that you are “hip” and “with it” then that’s all that matters. Just don’t rush to the mailbox to collect the parking tokens. There’s no such thing. If you still don't believe me, then you'll just end up disappointed
how to annoy people in an elevator
How many times have you felt a sudden urge to break a social norm, act completely out of character, or just plain silly? An elevator ride would be a prime opportunity to try this out. I can't say that I've ever behaved in a ridiculous manner in an elevator setting, but it sure would be amusing because the people with you are forced to put up with whatever it is you have up your sleeve!
First, preferably get rid of your parents; they will most likely foil your plans or apologize to the others on your behalf, and therefore, ruin the joke. You should enlist the help of little sibling instead if that's an option. After that, act as naturally as possible entering the elevator, and pick a spot to stand. Now that you're safe and sound on the elevator, it's time for the real fun to begin. First thing's first: if there are multiple other passengers, pick a victim. Slowly move closer and closer to this person until you brush shoulders--this will get the person's attention. At this point, you have two choices--either give a cheeky grin and remain uncomfortably close, or you can obnoxiously/too loudly blurt out "MY BAD," or if you're feeling especially bold, "EXCUSE YOU."
Next, shift back to your original position. At each new floor say "Ding!," and every time a new person gets on, salute them and say "Welcome aboard!" After that, start meowing occasionally. By now, you have most certainly captured the attention of everyone else on the elevator and they are all probably getting pretty fed up with you, but you're not finished yet! Begin to crash from side to side as if you're sailing in rough seas, and then casually suggest you all join in a sing-along. When no one says anything, act extremely insulted. For your finale, unzip your suitcase slightly, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" Now not only will all of the other passengers think you're genuinely bizarre, but now they'll be worried that you're hiding a body and that you are a mentally-ill murderer! Mission complete!
How to create a home entertainment/relaxation center that nobody will disturb.
I like my privacy. Earlier this year I wrote about how I like to walk in order to relax and be alone for a while. That is nice but as the weather turns cold it becomes hard. I live with five people in my house, which causes things to get a little crowded. This is why I like our basement. I have turned it into my own cave and I don't really like people interrupting my relaxation time there. So, I have a few strategies to ensure that nobody would want to come down and bother me, maybe one of you will find something useful.
First, keep tabs on the temperature to make it uncomfortable for anyone but you. In general most of my family likes it to be cool in the house. I prefer it warm so this step is easy for me, I just crank up the heater so everyone else roasts down there. If you don't have a heater or air conditioning unit in your place, then just open a door or window. If you have problems with either extreme, just remember you can change what your wearing so that you will be comfortable.
Second, make sure it smells. I don't mean live in absolute squalor, as this would attract attention of a different sort, but just make sure your other people are uncomfortable. One of my personal favorites is to " lose" a shirt that you have freshly sweated on somewhere. Give it a day or two and the results will become apparent. If you have a particular distaste for body odor then substitute sweaty gym clothes for a damp towel, few things are more uncomfortable to the nose than stale water. Also, if you have a certain food that excites the gases withing your body, then perhaps you might eat a large amount of it and then let nature follow its course. However, I would avoid the use of spoiled food or drinks as this will attract annoyance such as ants and angry parents.
Finally, understand the likes and dislikes of your family and use them to your advantage. For instance, when my father comes down to the basement, rather than appease him by watching the newest football game, I turn on my fantasy role-playing game in which I am wood elf who slays dragons and seduces fair, lizard people maidens with my emo-y eyes and skilled lute playing. Or maybe when my brother comes down wearing his " insert post-2000 crappy hard whiny rock band name" t-shirt, I begin to blast Marvin Gaye or Hall and Oates until flees before me.
If you are still reading perhaps I helped you with something, so I am going to finish this and return to being a wood elf. Goodbye
How to Study for a Test
You know what day tomorrow is. You've been putting it off for the past days. But now that it's tomorrow, you have no choice but to do something about it. Of course, that big test that may or may not heavily impact your grade if you do bad. But fear not; for in here, you will find study tips that have been proven countless times by experts to increase your grade.
You just arrived home after a long day, and you're already feeling the pressure of the test. The teacher was going on and on about what's going to be on the test, but you been slacking off during this chapter and didn't really understand anything. Don't worry, even the toughest of concepts can be learned if you just spent a little one-on-one time with your book.
But you just got home, right? No need to start studying right away, you still have the rest of the day. Watch some TV, listen to some music, do mischievous things to your pet if you have one. The important thing here is that you will be totally relaxed and ready when the studying starts.
So after a couple hours of doing the preparation, you should be totally prepared for the studying. Retreat back to your room; you don't want to be bothered by the parents or annoying siblings during a time of such importance. Now, get out your book and turn to pag – wait a second.
Look at how dirty your room is. Yes, you have neglected to clean it for as long as you could remember. But now that you're going to be studying in here, don't you think you owe it yourself to study in a comfortable environment? Definitely, so get to it!
Alright, you cleaned your room down to the last dust-bunny and everything is organized the way it should be. Now, you're ready truly ready to study. But hold on to that thought for a moment, because it's dinner time, and you surely can't study on an empty stomach.
After dinner, spend some time with your family watching TV or talking about life. School is important, but not more important than quality time with the family. Because if you don't have family, what do you have?
Finally, that's done and you're heading back to your room so you can start studying. No, really. You get out your books again, and get ready to immerse yourself in the knowledge that those pages are eager to teach you. But wait, are you sure you don't want to surf the internet just a little before? Promise yourself five minutes just to check out the latest news; you still have plenty of time.
What? What do you mean two hours? What happened to five minutes? Well, what's done is done. It's already ten, you should probably be heading to bed. Yes, you normally don't go to bed until twelve or one, but it's crucial that you get the extra sleep tonight. You have a test tomorrow.
Or, you could just play Skyrim. The end result is the same.
You just arrived home after a long day, and you're already feeling the pressure of the test. The teacher was going on and on about what's going to be on the test, but you been slacking off during this chapter and didn't really understand anything. Don't worry, even the toughest of concepts can be learned if you just spent a little one-on-one time with your book.
But you just got home, right? No need to start studying right away, you still have the rest of the day. Watch some TV, listen to some music, do mischievous things to your pet if you have one. The important thing here is that you will be totally relaxed and ready when the studying starts.
So after a couple hours of doing the preparation, you should be totally prepared for the studying. Retreat back to your room; you don't want to be bothered by the parents or annoying siblings during a time of such importance. Now, get out your book and turn to pag – wait a second.
Look at how dirty your room is. Yes, you have neglected to clean it for as long as you could remember. But now that you're going to be studying in here, don't you think you owe it yourself to study in a comfortable environment? Definitely, so get to it!
Alright, you cleaned your room down to the last dust-bunny and everything is organized the way it should be. Now, you're ready truly ready to study. But hold on to that thought for a moment, because it's dinner time, and you surely can't study on an empty stomach.
After dinner, spend some time with your family watching TV or talking about life. School is important, but not more important than quality time with the family. Because if you don't have family, what do you have?
Finally, that's done and you're heading back to your room so you can start studying. No, really. You get out your books again, and get ready to immerse yourself in the knowledge that those pages are eager to teach you. But wait, are you sure you don't want to surf the internet just a little before? Promise yourself five minutes just to check out the latest news; you still have plenty of time.
What? What do you mean two hours? What happened to five minutes? Well, what's done is done. It's already ten, you should probably be heading to bed. Yes, you normally don't go to bed until twelve or one, but it's crucial that you get the extra sleep tonight. You have a test tomorrow.
Or, you could just play Skyrim. The end result is the same.
How to Transcribe Music
Music is an art that requires listening. And this is the most important idea when learning and instrument. Transcribing is learning by listening. You listen to the music and then learn how to play it. This is the best approach to learning new music because it allows you to internalize the music. Transcribing requires thinking, it requires that you understand the music instead of simply reading notes. Most famous rock musicians and other contemporary genres learned the majority of their licks and information by listening and learning the music of their favorite artists.
Transcribing is difficult at first. First listen to the song you want to learn all the way through. Listen for possible licks that you want to learn or certain parts of the song that you enjoy. Next isolate the part of the song you want to learn. I like to remember the spot in the song on my ipod so I can repeat over and over until I get it. Then start small. Try to distinguish the first note of the lick, or the first chord of the the song by testing all the notes on you instrument. Eventually, you will hit the root, 3rd or 5th and you will know the chord. Then move to the next part. It will take lots of practice, but this approach is much better than squandering your time learning to read music. You do not need to learn to read music to play guitar, or piano or other instrument for that matter. You simply need to listen to the music. You only need to learn to read music if you want to play classical music, and, if you do, then by go ahead and learn. Transcribing is far better though.
Transcribing is difficult at first. First listen to the song you want to learn all the way through. Listen for possible licks that you want to learn or certain parts of the song that you enjoy. Next isolate the part of the song you want to learn. I like to remember the spot in the song on my ipod so I can repeat over and over until I get it. Then start small. Try to distinguish the first note of the lick, or the first chord of the the song by testing all the notes on you instrument. Eventually, you will hit the root, 3rd or 5th and you will know the chord. Then move to the next part. It will take lots of practice, but this approach is much better than squandering your time learning to read music. You do not need to learn to read music to play guitar, or piano or other instrument for that matter. You simply need to listen to the music. You only need to learn to read music if you want to play classical music, and, if you do, then by go ahead and learn. Transcribing is far better though.
pencil flippin
If you are ever bored in class and find that there is nothing to do and all you have is your pencil then you can learn how to flick a pencil around a hand. First of all you need a pencil, preferably heavier like a pen. It is also advantageous to use a longer device; the reason for this is that you don't want the writing implement to fly off your hand when it twirls. Prepare mentally for a lot of failing because it is something that needs to be practiced over and over again. Fret not, for everytime the pencil falls, it only needs to be picked up again.
Prepare the flip by holding it between the thumb and the index finger. To start, tap the pencil with your middle finger lightly and let it go around the thumb. A person that is new to this usually twitches their hand, especially their thumb, so don't. Leave the thumb alone and get used to the feeling of the pencil going around your thumb. Naturally it will go a revolution and end up in your hand up in the same direction. Once you get the concept down, it is advisable to use the ring finger as support before flipping it. Eventually this will become habitual and somewhat mezmerizing to watch.
Like previously mentioned, there will be failing. There will also be alot of annoying clacking noises when it is dropped. You might even make the person next to you mad, but don't stop. After the pencil flipping becomes natural, there are other tricks that you can do with the pencil, such as stopping the rotation and flipping it back with the index finger. But that's for another time.
Prepare the flip by holding it between the thumb and the index finger. To start, tap the pencil with your middle finger lightly and let it go around the thumb. A person that is new to this usually twitches their hand, especially their thumb, so don't. Leave the thumb alone and get used to the feeling of the pencil going around your thumb. Naturally it will go a revolution and end up in your hand up in the same direction. Once you get the concept down, it is advisable to use the ring finger as support before flipping it. Eventually this will become habitual and somewhat mezmerizing to watch.
Like previously mentioned, there will be failing. There will also be alot of annoying clacking noises when it is dropped. You might even make the person next to you mad, but don't stop. After the pencil flipping becomes natural, there are other tricks that you can do with the pencil, such as stopping the rotation and flipping it back with the index finger. But that's for another time.
Creating an Artistic Masterpiece
Whenever you see someone try to draw, do you sometimes catch them trying too hard, and making those jagged lines in a futile attempt to look "real?" Well, I have seen such a thing one too many times, and it just saddens me to see such a waste of material that could be used to create great artwork.
First, when trying to create a work of art, don't focus on making it realistic. That's just insulting to nature when you're trying to emulate its beauty on paper. Instead, focus on style. What makes every artist great is that they have a style they are known for. My style is one of minimalism. Just a few lines and strokes will create something that actually looks like something. There is no need for me to incorporate detail when all you need are a few strokes and the simplicity will reveal its beauty.
Next, once you've chosen your subject you should simply go with the flow. Those are books that give you step by step instructions using shapes and such to create the artwork's form seem useless to me. Who wants to see a horse made of rectangles? It's just a hassle to erase all those lines. Instead, just simply trace what your mind sees. It's hard to explain, but that's basically how talented artists operate.
If you aren't able to draw, then go with abstract art. No, it's not that Jackson Pollock stuff where you throw some crap on paper and call it art. Instead, use colors, or shapes. But don't make it random and act high and mighty, claiming to be an artist. Style is always the one thing that you should focus on.
Now, art shouldn't be limited to looking real, or appearing to be detailed. As I have said, style is the most important thing. Don't overdo things. Simplicity is beauty. Make something that looks "cool" to you, and don't copy others. If you think it's cool, chances are other people will think so too. Unless it's me.
How to walk a dog
Walking your dog may sound like an impossible task, but it is actually quite easy. Just follow these steps and you will be done in no time.
First, grab the leash. You will need one of these in order to walk said canine. There are wide varieties of leashes to choose from at your local pet store. With the leash having been grabbed, attach the clip to the dog’s collar. Be careful not to be too forceful here, as there is possibility of killing the dog. You just need to gently lock it into place.
Next, walk the dog to the door and lead it out. Make sure you walk in familiar neighborhoods as venturing out in the ghetto can be unfortunate. While walking, check for potential dangers always. One second, you could be walking along with not a care in the world, then suddenly ninjas attack and set your dog on fire; could you live with that on your conscience? Walk at a steady pace, not too fast, nor too slow, but just right. When you arrive home, take the collar off safely and you are done.
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