It's the Economy, Stupid

Now did I just call my peers stupid? Of course not.

Americans care about the economy. In fact, they care about it so much, it's the number 2 result when you type in Google "how to fix the" - right after the red ring of death. When an entire nation is that eager and motivated to fix such a problem, who I am to not offer my five cents?

Even though I'm sure the nice folks at Washington are doing their best to forgo their differences and compromise to solve this issue, right after those men finish arguing over what the best course of action is for a woman's body.

Well, I know one thing is for certain. We can not touch the 725 billion nation defense budget. Because you know those terrorists are coming for us. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be in the next ten years, but you can bet your sweet bippy they're coming. September 11 is just the start.

It doesn't matter if Osama is dead. It doesn't matter if al-Qaeda is in decline. It doesn't matter if it's statistically 8 times more likely for you to be killed by policemen than terrorists. We need to be protected from those dang Muslims.

So how do we fix the economy? Education cuts, of course. Our kids are smart enough as it is. Right now, America is ranked ~20th in education worldwide. There's like 196 countries in the world. We are almost in the top 10%! Take that, Nigeria! Our kids are smarter than your kids.

Don't worry, the Kentucky government has already taken the initiative on this. This year, our brilliant leader Steve Beshear is cutting 50 million dollars from the education budget to fund a creationist amusement park featuring a 500 foot by 75 foot recreation of Noah's Ark.

That is exactly what I'm talking about! Beshear has the right idea. Those stupid kids can learn how to integrate functions on their own time. My man Noah fit on his boat:
- 8 people
- 17,400 birds
- 12,000 reptiles
- 9,000 mammals
- 5,000 amphibians
- 2,000,000 insects
- a year supply of food for everyone

The amount of historical accuracy in this recreation is mind-blowing. It is important that we get our priorities straight, and celebrate what a great guy Noah was. Heck, I bet if Noah was alive today, he could fix the economy!