I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was...

I have made a bucket list before, and it constituted primarily of really dumb or reckless things that will not improve my self-worth or sense of moral closure before I start pushing daisies.

There is also no way I can narrow down a list of 65 hopes and desires to three. But I’ll do my best.

Before I finish high school… I want to chop off my hair. Pixie cut style. I will then proceed to donate my hair to an organization of my choice. I want to do this for a number of reasons:

1. I’m sick of strangers playing with it when I go to the supermarket. (They are usually Greek?)
2. I’m sick of guys rooting through it, looking for split-ends. (Fortunately, they usually don’t find any.)
3. I’m sick of meeting folks from western Kentucky, because the first thing they ask is: “IS THIS REAL?” I mean, how am I supposed to react to this? “Hi, nice to meet you. YES, MY HAIR IS REAL. I’M SCANDINAVIAN.” I don’t know. It doesn't seem too polite.
4. I’m sick of my mom tagging along with some other girl she’s mistaken for me every time we go up north. (She once followed some poor girl around for nearly 10 minutes. And then I found out the other girl’s accompanying friend was following ME around. Crazy stuff.) Everyone up there has long, blonde hair. Everyone.

I’m not sure if cutting it all off would solve these problems, but its one of the only wholesome things I really want to do. I’ve come close to following through with this twice… But someone always talks me out of it in the end.

Before I finish college… I want to do all the things I used to be proud of, and then have since forgotten how to do them… AGAIN. I want to learn how to play piano… again. I want to try to play guitar… again. I want to learn how to play golf… again. I want to learn how to play chess… again. I want to reach 1,500 consecutive hops on a pogo stick… again. Most importantly, I want to meet Johnny Depp again. Yes, this actually happened. I will run into him again some day, and recall everything from that night. And then he will say, “Oh, yes! You WERE that girl in the penguin suit.” And it will be glorious.

Before I die… I want to swim in bio-luminescent algae. Yeah. This stuff.

I’d paddle around for a good hour or two and then call it a night. That could make my entire life, right there.

I also need to milk a cow. Yes. I’m from Wisconsin, and I haven’t milked a cow. I am ashamed.

I will buy a hippie van, paint it up, and put a waterbed in it. Just for giggles.

And lastly, I will travel to New Zealand and reenact scenes from The Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of The Rings.

And there you have it. Everything I want in a life. At least I’m relatively realistic… right?